Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
A bitchslap is in order.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
