Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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