I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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