we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
