I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
