he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
