i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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