Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
