why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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