I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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