Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
