There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
