Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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