he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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