I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
