so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
