Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
