2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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