if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
