cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
