Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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