Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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