he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
