His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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