I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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