Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
