i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He shit in the fireplace
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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