I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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