DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
