What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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