i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
