I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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