i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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