shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
