Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
