i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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