dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm always down for nudity.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
