aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
