return my video game
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
