theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
