five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
