i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
