I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You made out with two different species that night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
