You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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