We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
