I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
