I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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