he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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