Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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