eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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