my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize