he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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