Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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