I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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