No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
