apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
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2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.