**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex