I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.