I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.