Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.