When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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