She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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