I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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