I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
