i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
