maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
