can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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