i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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