I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
