yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
