the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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