we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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