i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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