Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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