Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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