God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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