man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
