capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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