Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
