I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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