I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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