Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
