I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
