I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
