My sheets look like a crime scene.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
is wine microwaveable?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
