Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
