No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
