You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
