i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
