so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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